Critical List: hodgepodge, 8/24/89

from the Critical List August 24, 1989

WHAT TO LISTEN FOR IN MUSIC:
    Foghorns. Klaxons. Double-barreled shotguns.
    Duck calls. Slapsticks. Hurdy-gurdies. Crumhorns.
    Glockenspiels. Bouzoukis. The Sousaphone. The Sarrusophone.
    The Ondes Martenot.
    The Wagner Tuba. The Oboe D'Amore. The Basset Horn.
    The Heckelphone. The Ophicleide. The Triangle.
    The Geigenwerk. The Kortholt. The Doppione.
    The C-Melody Saxophone. The Harmonium. Castanets.
    The beat beat beat of the tom-tom. The rhythm that the "driver" made. The sound of marching, charging feet. Boy.
    Pizzicato. Ponticello. Portamento.
    Consonance. Dissonance. Consonants. Dissidents.
    Antonyms. Abstinence. E-chords.
    The lonesome whippoorwill. The ghost of electricity. The one red rose that I mean. That funky cold Farina.
    The influence of Robert Johnson. The influence of ABBA. The influence of bad whiskey. The influence of good whiskey. The sonic effects of poor eyesight; of misconceptions held since childhood; of mandatory mixed nude bathing.
    The residue of unsatisfactory love affairs. The silt of failure. The hint of scandal.
    Pirate ships. Bloodstains. Baby showers.
    Cracked bells and washed-out horns. Seventy-six trombones. Ten thousand guitars "grooving real loud." And 110 cornets, something something something.

HOW TO PLAY THE ELECTRIC GUITAR.
    With gusto. With elan. With abandon.
    With vim, with vigor. With alarums.
    With one hand on the wheel. With one foot on the bag.
    With blistering speed. With blinding speed. With mind-boggling speed. With awesome power. With pride. With pathos. With Porthos. With amnesia.
    With sullen reserve. With mocking irony. With native imprecision. In a kimono.
    With pomp, with circumstance. With cash on hand. With a recurring skin condition. With warmest regards. With season's greetings. With best wishes for a speedy recovery.

3/5 OF A MILE IN 10 SECONDS.
    Tom Jones: Move Closer (RCA) "Sulkingly tumescent" -- Robert Lloyd, L.A. Weekly. Lou Rawls: At Last (Blue Note). "Suavely sotto" -- Robert Lloyd, L.A. Weekly. Toad the Wet Sprocket: Bread and Circus (Columbia). "Pertly post" -- Robert Lloyd, L.A. Weekly. The Stone Roses (Silvertone/RCA). "Psychedelically sporting" -- Robert Lloyd, L.A. Weekly. The Rolling Stones: The Rolling Stones Singles Collection: The London Years (Abcko). "Scrupulously inclusive" -- Robert Lloyd, L.A. Weekly. The Bee Gees: One (Warner Bros.). "Nasally elegant" -- Robert Lloyd, L.A. Weekly. The Hoodoo Gurus: Magna Cum Louder (RCA): "Crazed and crunchy" -- Robert Lloyd, L.A. Weekly. Laura Nyro: Laura: Laura Nyro Live at the Bottom Line (Cypress). "Ripened on the vine" -- Robert Lloyd, L.A. Weekly. Pete Townshend: The Iron Man (Atlantic). "Egg salady" -- Robert Lloyd, L.A. Weekly.

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